who am i...

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

----from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

I have just started reading some of her books. And I really love this quote of hers. I find that I need to read and re-read this quote when I find myself 'shrinking'. Shrinking is when I allow myself to feel 'less than' all that I know I truly am. I fall into this exact pattern of thinking that she is speaking about....

...who am I to think that I have anything to say that the rest of the world wants to hear? why would I believe that I am an artist? It's unrealistic to hope that I could make a living doing what I love to do? 
These are the persistent little gremlins that hide within our most vulnerable places, and sneak out to demand attention when we are feeling defeated, or exhausted, or just low-energy.

In the past few months I have, for the first time in my life really,...begun to call myself an artist, begun to share myself and my artwork,...begun to dream that this can become something. Believe that art and creativity could become my way of life.

Very often - when I speak my ideas out loud, to John, or to my daughter Sara, or anybody really - I feel immediately....
what's the word...? Not 'insecure', not even 'self-doubting' really - it's more of an 'unworthiness'.
Where does that come from? I truly feel that I am a confident, smart, capable and talented woman. So where the hell does that come from? Why would I not be just as 'worthy' as anybody else?

I am of course. Worthy. So are you - we all are. So why do these little gremlins still thrive from time to time. Why do we occasionally feed them so that they stay alive?

I think I need to paint that quote on something large...like a wall. Where I'll read it often.

So - here's to letting our lights shine! (and starving the gremlins!)