Spring...

ok - spring has sprung - time to get back on track in several areas!
I've gained 10 pounds over the winter - so....
back to a healthy eating lifestyle (not diet!)
and regular cardio and weight training. I've done it before - I can get back to the habit.

Also - although I finally, in 2013, started my Etsy shop, and restarted my blog -
I need to make sure that I make time to blog at least once a week. I find that the less I write, the more difficulty I have in thinking of something to write about. So practice creates - more creativity!

I will post some pix of my SO cute aprons here in a few days (made from repurposed men's shirts!)
And will have them up for sale on ETSY shortly.

OK - so I've put my goals and plans out there. Motivation to follow through!!

By the way - I've downloaded Bod Harper's (Biggest Loser Bob) new book 'Jumpstart to Skinny' - to get me started. C'mon Bob - let's go!

who am i...

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

----from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

I have just started reading some of her books. And I really love this quote of hers. I find that I need to read and re-read this quote when I find myself 'shrinking'. Shrinking is when I allow myself to feel 'less than' all that I know I truly am. I fall into this exact pattern of thinking that she is speaking about....

...who am I to think that I have anything to say that the rest of the world wants to hear? why would I believe that I am an artist? It's unrealistic to hope that I could make a living doing what I love to do? 
These are the persistent little gremlins that hide within our most vulnerable places, and sneak out to demand attention when we are feeling defeated, or exhausted, or just low-energy.

In the past few months I have, for the first time in my life really,...begun to call myself an artist, begun to share myself and my artwork,...begun to dream that this can become something. Believe that art and creativity could become my way of life.

Very often - when I speak my ideas out loud, to John, or to my daughter Sara, or anybody really - I feel immediately....
what's the word...? Not 'insecure', not even 'self-doubting' really - it's more of an 'unworthiness'.
Where does that come from? I truly feel that I am a confident, smart, capable and talented woman. So where the hell does that come from? Why would I not be just as 'worthy' as anybody else?

I am of course. Worthy. So are you - we all are. So why do these little gremlins still thrive from time to time. Why do we occasionally feed them so that they stay alive?

I think I need to paint that quote on something large...like a wall. Where I'll read it often.

So - here's to letting our lights shine! (and starving the gremlins!)



 

The other day I was thinking and remembering some of the art-sy and craft-sy kinds of things that I did when I was young. Some I stuck with, some I tried and then got bored. The more I thought about it - the more I remembered...I was kind of amazed at all the different mediums I had played with.

It started with just paper (see my first post 'me and paper'). I would draw with crayons, and sometimes used stencils (numbers and letters) that my father brought home from the mill. I remember getting 'paint by number' oil painting kits for Christmas. Not a lot of creativity in these - however they do teach about painting composition, and working with oil paint.

Here's a bunch of other art/craft stuff I enjoyed -
made my own candles
had an 'Artex' (remember these?) fabric painting set
linoleum art block carving (Speedball Brand stuff)
taught myself to macrame belts and bracelets (hey..it was the 70's!)
my mother taught me to knit and to crochet.
Learned to sew -(starting in 7th grade most girl's took 'Home Economics' - half the school year was cooking and half the school year was sewing.) LOVED learning to sew and really took to it. I continued to make a lot of my own clothes right through high school. Took apart my old jeans and turned them into purses, skirts, pillows etc. Cut up plain, crew neck wool sweaters, shortened the sleeves, added buttons down the front and made cute new tops out of them. Made clothes for my Barbies.
Made detailed Christmas ornaments from homemade salt dough.
Wrote (awful) poetry, in my journals and did lots of drawings in those as well.
Worked with clay.
Pressed flowers in glass.
Used paper and cardboard to create houses and whole villages for the tiny dolls my little sister and I loved called "Little Kiddles". (Gosh we loved those dolls!)
Always made my own greeting cards, invitations etc.
Worked with oil pastels. Charcoal pencils. And lots and lots of markers.

I think there are probably even more.
All these creative endeavors that I was interested in...I can't believe that I let that part of myself go away for years and years. I feel like my truest, most real self when I am creating and I know it's here to stay now.

Here is one of my latest - showing the painting... (appropriately titled - 'Follow Your Heart')
                                                        'in progress' and then finished.

 

 

 

 





 Original and prints available on ETSY.